Upleveling…is that even a word? It is, and I like it! The urban dictionary defines upleveling as “To transform and grow”. Here’s the problem with upleveling: it requires growth.

Growth is messy.

It sometimes hurts.

If you are a caterpillar then upleveling to a butterfly requires that your whole self be melted down into a formless goo, then reformed into a butterfly.

Yuck.

I told you a couple of weeks ago that I attended a retreat for leaders to enhance our skills doing wounds work. When coaches train, we train using each other. So sometimes we are coaching and other times we are being coached.

I felt like I grew through the seminar with flying colors. I came home energized, not exhausted like previous seminars. I listened, increased my skills, and integrated some parts of my personality into upgraded roles.

Hey, I felt like I was hot stuff.

And then this weekend, the shit hit the fan.

My husband, Brian and I got into this  huge fight. As we struggled to understand each other, I cried, I yelled, I collapsed into myself, I pulled myself back out of it. I was in a complete emotional tornado.I also saw that what we were fighting about was really important. It was stuff that needed to be addressed about how we want to live the next five years. It’s unfortunate that I went all triggered, emotional, victim when it came up. But we still worked through it.

I was triggered

This morning I sat down to journal about it.

The first thing to show up was my inner 12 year old. The little girl in me who was responsible for two wild brothers (younger by 18 months and 32 months respectively) and way over her head. The part of me that was raised to support the boys in the family.

When my husband started our conversation this weekend, he triggered that little 12 year old. I spent much of the fight in my own head. Trying to figure out how the 12 year old me could give him everything he wants, and still have what I want.

These are jobs that my inner 12 year is not capable of handling. She is a great dreamer, but I really don’t want her in charge of my relationship, my finances, or my business. Those are jobs for my adult me.

As I journaled a conversation with my inner 12 year, I also opened my heart so she felt loved. I promised her that she would be taken care of, that she would be safe. I asked her to dream for me about the future. What kind of a house do we want to live in, what kind of client retreats do I want to create.

My Inner CEO stepped in. She reminded me that I can create whatever I want. But that it is important to clue my husband in so he is a willing participant. That my job is not to be the ‘woman behind the man’ but to be a partner.

My inner Witch spoke next: “I need a really good drawing of what you want,” she said. “Make sure that Brian likes it too. He is part of this.

Then, stop messing around with maybes. Stop messing around with trying to figure out the how tos.

Practice what we preach – let’s make some magic.”

Maybe I should have done this journaling yesterday. Maybe I would have saved myself some angst. Or maybe, it was ok that I let the emotions run, knowing that the emotions were just a signal that some parts of me needed attention.

By looking inward I’ve discovered the answer to an outer issue.

It’s not about action.

It’s not about a plan.

It is about me upleveling my interior landscape. Listening to the parts of me that are up to the work of taking my business and my life to the next level. Loving the parts of me that are not, letting the little girl play.

Trusting my inner wisdom and my ability to manifest what I desire, for the highest good of everyone involved.

Trusting my skills to create even more in my life.

Trusting that the fight was simply a nudge that for me to more fully integrate the upleveling that occurred at the retreat.

And today, I’m excited and ok with all of it.

** P.S. Happy 5th Anniversary, Honey. What a great gift!

I would not be able to work my way through an issue like this so quickly if it wasn’t for some amazing mentors. I’ve learned that growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Your business and your life are interrelated. One affects the other.

Doing the work of growing personally, allows you to grow your business as well. The inner work I’ve done and will continue to do as a result of this weekend’s uplevel, will also grow my business.

I’ve got a couple of slots open in my practice for new clients who are also willing to do the sometimes messy work of growth. If you are ready to dig deeply, listen to your inner wisdom and be seen on the world stage for the expert that you are, contact me for a complimentary “Break the Income Ceiling” Strategy Session.